Warning: This blog post contains swearing. If you are not into that, now is your chance to bail. Otherwise, feel free to grab a coffee (or glass of wine) and have a read!
Grief is a shitty thing.
It shows up uninvited like the old boyfriend or mistake that still messages every few months and asks "WYD", takes over your life, and does not give a hoot about what you have got going on at the time. The death of a loved one, the end of a relationship, the loss of a job, or even the death of a pet, grief will find a way to kick your arse when you least expect it - and when you do not need it to.
And here is the thing no one talks about enough: It does not end. Society might like to pretend it does, but we all know that is crap.
The Unspoken Burden on Women: "Time to Move On"
You know how it goes: someone you love dies, you cry for a bit, you grieve....and then need to return to work. Everyone expects you to get back to “normal.” You are supposed to pull yourself together, get back to work, put on a smile, and go on like everything is fine.
And if you can not? If you are still struggling weeks or months later? People start giving you that look. You know the one. The “Oh god, Is she not done with that yet?” look. As if your grief has some sort of expiry date and you need to feel ok by some preordained time to fit in with others being uncomfortable with you and your loss, like it is something making them uneasy.
That feeling is terrible - and it bloody hurts. It feels like you are failing everyone—your manager, your friends, your family—because you are still processing something so personal, so deep, so individual to you - that it can not just be “fixed” by going through the motions. But society does not really have time for that, and in my opinion - Women especially get the worst of it.
The Quiet Pressure to "Move On"
This is where it gets particularly hard for Women. There is this constant pressure to bounce back. To be strong. To not make others uncomfortable with your grief. Women are expected to just handle it. Be tough. Put on the brave face. Do your job, raise your family, look after your partner, manage the house - and keep everything running smoothly.
You do not (and should not) have to do all of that alone - and you do not have to pretend like you are fine when you are most clearly not.
The thing is, grief does not fit neatly into the “back to normal” box. The world may want you to be “better” by the time the funeral is over, but there is no such thing as a neat little box for grief. It is messy, it is complicated, and sometimes it feels like it is taking up every part of you.
Yet, women are told to keep going. There is this expectation that we should “move on” within a reasonable time frame. This happens at work, at social gatherings, even at home - and it is crap. Grief is not like that. It lingers like a bad smell. Sometimes it comes in waves, sometimes it sits quietly in the background. But it is always there.
The Problem: Limited Safe Spaces to Talk About It
The sad reality is that many people do not know how to talk about grief in a way that does not make it awkward. There needs to be so much more training in the ways people speak to others that are experiencing loss - and I think we need a big culture shift.
You go back to work and suddenly people do not know what to say. They want to check in, but they are afraid they will upset you - So they avoid asking. you are then left to feel like you need to carry your loss alone.
No one wants to say the wrong thing, so they say nothing - and that only makes the isolation worse.
Everyone and their grief are different. Everyone’s loss is unique. The death of someone close to you, a miscarriage, a broken relationship, or losing your job, the pain is real. And it needs to be talked about.
That is why I am so passionate about starting these Women’s Grief Circles. We need a space where grief can be shared without shame, without the fear of making someone uncomfortable. A space where your grief is valid, no matter what the world expects of you.
Why Grief Circles Matter: A Place to Be Real
These circles are not your standard grief support group. This is about creating a space where women can show up and just be. We don’t have to be “strong” or “together” or any of that. We just have to be ourselves. Real about our loss, and our struggle - in a safe space.
There is no timeframe for healing. It does not happen in a neat little package. You can not just box it up, put it away, and say, “Right, I’m done with that" - and yet, that is the kind of expectation society places on women when it comes to grief.
That is why these circles are so important. They are for the women who are still crying months later and don't feel like they can talk about it at work. They are for the women who are scared to say their partner’s name in front of their friends, because no one knows how to talk about death without feeling uncomfortable. They are for the women who just need space to process loss, whatever form that loss takes.
What to Expect from the Circles
These circles are not some “get over it and move on” type of group. This is for the real conversations.
What you can expect:
A safe space: No judgement. No rush. No one telling you when it is “time to get over it.” Just a space where you can talk freely about the shit that is weighing on you—whether you are grieving a person, a pet, a relationship, or something else entirely.
Real connection: When you are grieving, it can feel like you are the only one who understands. But there is nothing like talking to someone who has been through it. These circles bring together women who get it, and who are not going to shy away from your pain - or chance to be heard. Talking of heard...
A chance to be heard: So often in life, we feel like we are not being listened to, especially when it comes to grief. These circles are a chance to speak your truth, without anyone trying to fix you or tell you to “move on.” There is no diagnosing here.
No bullshit: We are not going to pretend everything is fine - because it is not. We are going to be real with each other - because that’s the only way we can process our emotions.
These circles are for you, for every woman who has been told to “get over it”, or who has struggled to find a safe space where they can just be themselves.
Join Me in February 2025
If you have experienced being tired of pretending everything is fine, and you feel ready to have a space where your grief can be felt and heard, then I would so love for you to join me in February 2025 for the first of these Women’s Grief Circles. I would be honoured to have you.
Stay tuned for more details about dates and locations.
With so much love,Kara 🤍
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